Not long ago, I was told by upper management that two of my staff were not happy. The message was that they felt I should help out more on the restaurant side, bussing tables and serving customers.
That hit me hard. Because I do roll up my sleeves. In April and May, I cooked in the kitchen when our chef was out sick. I have cleaned carts, handled septic backups, and covered MOD shifts until late at night. I have never been above jumping in where needed.
I will be honest, I was upset. It did not line up with what I usually do, and it did not match what I was hearing from the staff themselves. I did not act right away. Instead, I sat with it, and even consulted with my ChatGPT. I use AI like a sounding board sometimes, a place to sort out my thoughts before I talk with my team.
Later, I had two conversations with Nicole, one of the staff members, who was supposedly unhappy. She told me flat out she did not want me bussing or serving. In fact, she said what helped her most was knowing I was there and keeping things running smoothly, not jumping on a table and taking orders. That week, she had been sick, and I was covering her shifts as the manager on duty until late in the evening. In our two conversations, I never brought up what I had heard, because it did not line up with what I do or with our interactions before. The story I heard and the reality on the ground were not the same.
That is when it clicked. The feedback was not really about bussing or serving. It was frustration being paraphrased, maybe from other staff, maybe from higher up. And somewhere in the retelling, it landed in my lap as if it was Nicole’s words.
The hardest lesson for a manager? What you hear is not always what was said.
Leadership is about clarity, not guessing. Normally, when in doubt, you should go to the source and clear it up directly. But in this story, I did not. What I had heard did not line up with what I do or with my past interactions with Nicole. Bringing it up would have only added confusion. Instead, I trusted what I knew to be true, and her words later confirmed it.
Improvement starts with awareness. And awareness starts with seeing the truth beyond the clutter.
Be honest with yourself. You know in your heart if you have been extending a hand to help others achieve more. Do not measure yourself by every rumor or opinion that floats around. Know yourself. Trust what you have done and where your intentions are. That is not arrogance. That is integrity.