There are a few things I have learned along the way. They did not come from classrooms or degrees. Most of them came from people I met, books I read, or quiet moments where something simple opened my eyes. These principles have stayed with me, guiding how I see relationships, family, and life itself.
Principle 1: Love, Not Paperwork, Holds a Marriage
When I was working part-time at a driving range, I met an older gentleman who had been a high school English teacher. He was in his 60s, working a few shifts for extra money and some free golf. Over time, I got to know him and his story.
He and his wife had been together for decades, but they had never gotten married. No ceremony, no paperwork. They were together because they loved each other, and they never felt a piece of paper was what bound them.
That made me pause. I realized how much of a burden society and culture put on the idea of marriage. It is not about legal status or meeting expectations. Even in my own marriage, when my wife and I argue, I remember that what keeps us together is not the paperwork. It is the love we share and the choice to stay together.
Principle 2: Love Does Not Always Mean Harmony
Later in life, I visited a father figure of mine in Florida after he retired. We were talking about family disputes, and I shared how my parents always wanted us kids to play nicely with each other, even as adults.
He looked at me and said, “I love my sister very much, but we cannot be in the same room together. If something happens to her, or if she ever needed a kidney, I would give it. But don’t put us in the same room.”
That hit me. Love is not always neat. It does not always mean peace or constant harmony. Sometimes love is about being there when it truly matters, even if you cannot share the same space every day. It reminded me that family ties are not about forcing perfection, but about standing strong when the call comes.
Principle 3: Perspective Shapes Reality, and Love Is a Verb
One of the biggest influences on me has been Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Before even reaching the first habit, the book shows a drawing. Some see it as a young lady, others as an older lady. The picture is the same, but the interpretation changes.
It taught me that we all look at the same thing differently because of our experiences, education, and upbringings. None of us is wrong. We are simply seeing through the lens of our own lives.
And later in the book, Covey wrote something that stayed with me: love is a verb, not an adjective. Love is not just something you feel. If you love someone, act on it. Show it. Live it.
Closing
I did not learn these principles from my family. I learned them as I moved through life.
Now I pass them on to my kids. I tell them that sometimes what I say may not resonate with them — and that is totally fine. They will find their own way in the world, just like I did. I am glad if I can have some influence, but I know that as they grow, they will become more and more of themselves.
These principles remind me that love is not paperwork, love does not erase conflict, and love is not just a feeling. It is action. And the most important thing I can give my kids is the freedom to live, learn, and carry forward the lessons that speak to them.