Whenever I get into an argument with my wife, she will often say, “You are just like your father!”
For most people, that would sound like an insult. Many kids grow up believing they will not be like their parents, especially when they become parents themselves. They tell themselves they will do things differently. Yet more often than not, the apple does not fall far from the tree.
My wife uses that phrase when she is frustrated with me. What she does not realize is that I take it as a compliment.
Who My Father Was
Like many Asian fathers, my dad was stern, quiet, and strict. He had very high expectations of me. He was also a high achiever.
He was one of the few non-Japanese who rose all the way to general manager and later director of the Pacific region for a Japanese pharmaceutical company. After retiring, he played a key role in setting up the national health care system in Taiwan. He was respected by everyone around him.
He was not the warm, fuzzy kind of father. But he provided for me. He gave me the chance to be who I am and to pursue what I wanted. Even when he disagreed with me, he still gave me the space to choose my own way.
Why It Feels Like a Compliment
So when my wife says I am just like my father, she means it as a jab. But I hear something else.
I want to measure myself against him. I want to live up to the standard he set. If I end up being like him — respected, accomplished, and still providing space for my children to become themselves — then I will count that as success.
Closing
So thank you, my wife, for what you thought was an insult. To me, it is the highest compliment. I wish I could be more like my father. And if that is what you see in me, I am grateful.